Friday, 18 May 2012
I Feel Love
One of the things that inspires me to stick with my 15 minute daily blogging habit is how writing helps me to sort out my thoughts and feelings and so it was yesterday. Almost as soon as I hit that publish button the squabbling seemed to stop. E, 5, played with O, 3, for about two hours straight then S, 7, came back from the allotment with TDO (I must get over there at the weekend and take some up to date photos) and played with E for another couple of hours before we all crashed out about 9:30pm. E & O are playing together again now whilst S is sleeping. They often wake 2 or more hours before she does, Especially with the longest day coming up plus they tend towards siestas whilst S doesn't.
When so many people are involved there can never be any one contributor to factors coming out of balance. You can't always change them but you can acknowledge them, however, when the seas are rough I become scared to even mention them for fear of making waves.
So, what changed? Well for my part I told them. I told them how sad and unhappy it makes me when they fight and how powerless it makes me feel. Ask me about breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby led weaning and I am in my comfort zone and confident but here, 15 dog years into parenting, with a home educated 3, 5 and 7 year old I am not. The dynamics are shifting. E and O play a lot more now O is older and this can exclude S. It is a new kind of crockery management spinning as the plates get bigger and heavier.
S misses her friends. From her Valentine and Masquerade balls where she had to trim the guest list down she has suddenly found her active, available friendship group has contracted considerably. A variety of unconnected: hatching, matching, dispatching, car loss, illness and injury event coupled with her friends mothers deciding they don't like me any more have meant she isn't getting the Barbie time she craves. She has a play day on Monday that she is much looking forward to and I am talking to her about Brownies and so on.
From my perspective I feel the moving apart of the sibling relationship is inevitable with age and that one of the many advantages of home education is that it allows us to put family first at least in these early years.
Our friendships have been very cyclical since we made inroads into the home ed community back in 2005. Most notable where those who felt that the school starting age was too young but didn't have any real commitment to home ed, that was the last time I recall a landscape change as large as the current one. There are constraints on most of the relationships we have, lack of transport and finance and so on and I have been explaining these to S.
Also S needs some new stimulus and inspiration. She has gobbled up several series books this year including 'The Roman Mysteries' and 'How to Train Your Dragon' and 'Horrible Histories.' She was very taken with Petworth House and has asked to return perhaps I will look for some ideas around that era and area. Historical Fiction and paintings pre 1900 seems to be her zone.
After four days out to London, Brighton, Arundel and Petworth we have a home day today. Weed over this morning, O has asked me not to go to the gym, with only 2 weeks left on the membership it is becoming harder to motivate myself in that department!